


What I've Always Wanted

by casserole365



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Growing Up Gay, Pining, but not having the words for it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:27:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24609895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/casserole365/pseuds/casserole365
Summary: Adora has been attracted to Catra for a long time but doesn't make sense of that until she leaves the Horde. Exploring what it was like for Adora to hold onto those feelings for Catra and how she came to understand them.
Relationships: Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 157





	What I've Always Wanted

**Author's Note:**

> She-Ra and the Princesses of Power is a queer love story at its core. As Noelle has said, Catra and Adora’s romance and relationship is the foundation of the narrative. There is no story without their relationship. 
> 
> I wrote this from my perspective as a queer adult looking back on my attraction to people of the same gender as me when I was in middle and high school. I am so grateful for She-Ra and I can not even imagine how affirming it would have been for me to watch this show at age 11. This is not a story about shame, it’s a story about finding out who you are and embracing that truth.

There were no examples of romantic love in the Horde. Relationships were written off as simple-minded distractions from training. Time was much better spent improving battle-readiness or completing chores instructed Shadow Weaver firmly. Restraint and discipline makes an effective Horde soldier. Love makes you weak and could be manipulated by the enemy to your disadvantage. Even the books that they were allowed to read had no trace of romance in their plots. There was no whispering and giggling about who had a crush on who in the mess hall. Instead, they all kept those feelings inside. Much like they were trained to do with the rest of their feelings. 

So that’s exactly what Adora did. She never had the words for it, but she had always felt drawn to Catra. Sure, Catra could have a bad attitude sometimes and be quick to say mean things when she felt hurt, but she could also be very sweet and kind. Especially to Adora. So, when Adora was rounding on her 11th year, nobody had a birthday in the Horde, they all just aged-up at the start of the new year, naturally she became confused by the new feelings she was developing about her best friend. 

It started with little things. Adora found herself looking at Catra more often. Her features were becoming sharper, more defined and mature. But she wasn’t just looking at her face. She had also been noticing Catra’s body. How she had gotten taller, leaner. How she filled in her shirts more at the bust. Adora made a point to turn her back to Catra in the locker room when they changed in and out of their training gear. She didn’t want to be accused of staring, or make Catra uncomfortable. 

Adora didn’t have the words for it, couldn’t wrap her mind around it, really, but she was attracted to Catra. Undeniably so. Heart-achingly so. For years. To deal with it, to find some kind of relief, she took small, calculated actions. Adora always made sure that she and Catra were the last ones standing in a group sparring match. She tried to drag them on as long as possible, tactfully restraining her ability so that she had the excuse to be physically engaged with Catra for a little bit longer. When Catra curled up at the foot of her bed, Adora was mindful of the position of her legs so that she never distrubed Catra, never giving her a reason to switch back to her own bunk. She often offered to brush Catra’s long, thick hair, which thankfully Catra always agreed to. Adora also knew that if she teased her enough, Catra would eventually grab her and tackle her to the floor. Every opportunity that she had to be physically close to Catra caused a fluttering sensation in her stomach. Adora never felt that way around anyone else. She didn’t know what to make of it, but she knew she liked it. 

⸻

It wasn’t until Adora met Spinnerella and Netossa that she finally understood that part of herself. Sure, she had been observing and learning about relationships of all kinds since leaving the Horde and taking up residence at Brightmoon. She saw them all around her. Relationships of every kind: familial, platonic, romantic. They weren’t all perfect of course, but they were recognized and celebrated. Spoken about with care and gentleness. They were not hidden in the shadows, tucked away in the bottoms of hearts, only to be explored in daydreams or the moments before falling asleep. 

It was like looking into a mirror when Adora first heard Netossa address Spinnerella as her wife. It was as if she had found the last, missing piece of the puzzle that finally allowed her to look at the whole picture. Suddenly it all made sense. Adora saw herself, grown a few more years, holding Catra the way she had always wanted to. Without secrecy, without having to hide from the Horde’s disapproval. She and Catra always said they were going to work their way up the ranks and then rule together, forever. Adora realized now that wasn’t what she had actually wanted. It wasn’t about being in charge, wielding power over the Frightzone. What she wanted, what she needed, was to be with Catra. She just hadn’t known how else to express that to Catra at the time. 

⸻

The celebration that followed the defeat of Horde Prime had grown organically and was now stretching into the night. The tiny snacks were mostly gone and the music had long since transitioned into a slower, gentler rhythm. Adora sat on one of the blankets that had been laid out on the grass near the musicians. She was starting to feel exhausted. Bow and Glimmer were on the next blanket over, chatting with Scorpia and Perfuma. Catra tapped Adora’s knee twice, “Hey Adora, do you want to go inside?” Adora blinked hard and straightened her posture, “No, no, it’s okay, I can stay up for a while longer,” she replied, attempting to stifle a yawn. 

“That wasn’t very convincing, princess,” Catra teased, offering her hand to Adora, “come on.” Adora sighed and took Catra’s offer to help her up. She knew Catra was right and the thought of falling asleep without a war to wake up to was something she had looked forward to for a long time.

Glimmer waved at the pair as they walked by, a knowing smile on her lips. “Goodnight guys!” Scorpia called out warmly. Adora smiled, “See you all tomorrow,” she said, allowing Catra to guide her back inside the castle. 

“I don’t know where I’m going,” Catra admitted once they were inside the castle. Adora squeezed her hand, “That’s okay, I do.” The two walked hand-in-hand toward Adora’s old room. It was exactly as she had left it. Without bothering to change, Adora flopped down on her bed. Catra remained standing, her tail twitching slightly. 

“Uh, Adora? Where should I sleep?” Catra asked, unable to mask her hint of nervousness. 

“Oh, you can sleep here, with me, if you don’t mind? Otherwise I can-” Adora started before Catra cut her off, “No, that’s fine, I’d like that,” she blushed. 

Adora almost thought that Catra was going to curl up at the foot of the bed like she had always done before. Instead, Catra took a breath and crawled into bed, right next to Adora, their noses almost touching. Adora felt that fluttering sensation in her stomach. 

Catra placed her palm on Adora’s cheek tenderly. “Is this okay?” she asked the blonde. Adora felt her eyes well up with tears. “It’s everything I’ve always wanted,” she replied before closing the gap between them with a kiss.


End file.
